the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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