if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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