I just saw a hot homeless man
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
