my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
