I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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