dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
