I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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