and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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