I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
