he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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