Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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