remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
