I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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