Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
