My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
