She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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