Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
