I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
