I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
