i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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