Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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