I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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