Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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