Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
