She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
