I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
