that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
