Don't EVER smell your tampon
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
