I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
