Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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