it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
