For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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