I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
