Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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