Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
