your parents love me but you hate me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize