you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
FUCK WHALES
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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