YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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