Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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