It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
