Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
