Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
