suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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