I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
