Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
