the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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