clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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