That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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