the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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