So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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